I've always wanted to work in the sex industry, not just because I love sex but because for me there is spiritual and civilizational importance attached. In higher ages everything is divine and so is sex, free love can be more easily expressed as it is healthy and pure during the golden age, only in the dark age does it become saturated with demonic expression as everything does. I am the type of person who has maintained a divine connection to sex and so for me it is almost like a form of worship, I even worship the god of sex, desire and lust (Kama Deva) above all other gods.
I am finally about the embark on my first attempt at making it in the sex industry and all of a sudden my life is coming crashing down. This has all been nothing but theoretical up until this point but now reality is setting in and I am having an existential crisis. This industry in these evil times is so dangerous, what I am doing is putting me in a precarious position, I don't know but there could be legal difficulties as all sex industrialists need lawyers constantly. The industry is also run by a heartless mafia of demonic men as scriptures teach that during the Kali Yuga wicked men rule the minds of all with sex.
My main reason for getting involved in this is to break the monopoly of demon men over the sex industry and begin to wield it for higher societal purposes such as was done in ancient pagan Babylon where sex was sacred and part of the state instituted religion of Ishtar worship. Sacred harems abounded and these sex priestesses were even called upon for becoming the vessels for sex with gods (Hieros Gamos) and to bear children for kings. But my mind is twisted because I fear that it is the dark age and this industry is too profane and populated by the wrong people... I already feel like I could not do this as I would be sucked into a dark world which I would not be able to handle: drugs, STDs, mafias, social exclusions, what type of negative personalities I would encounter, legal issues and so forth.
But it goes even deeper than this as all of a sudden I am wondering if anything I have ever wanted is even truly related to god or am I misled and delusional, taken advantage of my malefic spiritual forces? I have always had to fight against the West's ingrained Biblical morals and its intense demonization of sex and especially sacred prostitution as this is actually a ritual to pagan gods. The Abrahamic religions wiped out the sex worshipping pagans globally and have taught the world why perhaps they reject and hate this form of human expression, they say it weakens and deludes the people and makes them ripe for conquest and slavery, while the vigorous sexual restraint of the Christians allows them to channel their libido, they too see sex as a divine institution and just as they believe in only one god they demand one only have sex with one person (or one's official wives) and that to express it outside of marital bondage is a sin and a disease. Did the sacred prostituted fall because it is the dark age, or were they destined for damnation, and if they could not withstand the onslaught of the modern world how could I do this alone?
Now that the gods have granted the opportunity to go out and do what I have always wanted to do, all of a sudden I am questioning whether or not my passions are even holy at all, or am I being draught into demonism by malevolent forces? Will going forth and trying to satiate my perceived needs while also bringing a revolution to the sex industry, will this destroy me? And what if I see on my first go that none of this is for me and I have been wrong the whole time... this form of god is my life... what would I do after this... I would be finished. What do I do then, live in horror that I was created to go down a wrong path and I should either accept my fate or convert to the Abrahamic faith? I can't do that, I think I would go insane. What I am about to do comes with a slight chance of being arrested, to be struck like that in the midst of worshipping god in his temple would destroy my faith I think, I can't deal with any more betrayal from the universe.
I don't know what is about to happen to me, but it is either going to be very good or horrible. I don't want to be in this position, I will admit I am very unhappy and the opportunity to find out has made me only all the more unhappy. Even if it does work will it make me happy and could I feel like a ghost, hollowed out by going too far down the wrong road, desperate to escape but no way out? Or have I been poisoned by the Abrahamics, is my quest divine, will going forth with this make me happy... is it the demons that are making me doubt myself? Why do I have to be in this position, is it the dark age or is it my tormented soul? Either way I think that after next week I will be writing as a different person, something is going to change drastically, I just can't predict what that will be.
